


out of the closet

by waveydnp



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 19:10:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19279375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp
Summary: dan’s birthday, aka their last night as a closeted couple





	out of the closet

There’s a chill in the air as the sun starts to set, but Dan’s skin buzzes with warmth from a drink or two too many and something like happiness after a birthday well spent. He’s sat in a pretty garden with two of the few people in this world he cares to spend any amount of time with, and his belly is full to the brim with multicoloured cake and champagne.

It’s not something they normally drink on birthdays, but today was about a lot more than celebrating another rotation of the earth around the sun. It was a preemptive thing, a ‘yes Dan, you can do this’ kind of thing. A ‘holy fuck we’re finally doing this’ kind of thing.

The rainbow icing was a nice touch, he has to admit, and knowing he’ll be able to post those photos after tomorrow makes his insides twist up with fear and excitement in equal measure.

Maybe the fear is winning out a little. Phil and Bryony are talking about something but he hasn’t been listening for a while. His mind has done that pesky thing it tends to do and wandered off to try to remind him of everything scary that he’s ignoring.

But fuck that. It’s still his birthday. He lolls his head heavily in Phil’s direction and interrupts him mid-sentence. “I think it’s time to go home now.”

“Is it?” Phil asks, a bemused expression. Perhaps he isn’t quite as sloshed as Dan is.

“You’re leaving me so soon?” Bryony asks.

“Mhm.” He stretches his arms over his head and makes a noise as his muscles elongate. He looks at Phil in a way he hopes needs no further explanation.

Phil smirks. “Danny’s a bit pissed, I’d say. Reckon I should take him home and make sure he gets a good night’s rest for tomorrow.”

Dan snickers. Rest. Phil definitely knows what Dan’s thinking about.

-

They take a car, because fuck the tube. Trains are for plebs, not for drunk birthday boys whose lives are about to be drastically flipped upside down in less than twenty four hour’s time. Dan sits right next to Phil in the back seat of the taxi, head leaned against Phil’s shoulder and hand on his thigh.

He’s allowed. He doubts the driver cares but it doesn’t matter anymore. These are the kinds of things they don’t have to monitor so closely now. Or they won’t. Not if they don’t want to.

Tonight he doesn’t want to. It’s a day early, technically, but tonight he wants to be touching Phil as much as possible.

-

Phil knows it. As soon as they’re inside their flat and the door is shut and locked behind them, Phil kicks off his shoes and gives Dan a look.

“You know she wasn’t fooled, right?”

“No idea what you’re on about.” Dan grabs Phil’s arm for leverage as he toes his trainers off, the booze making him wobbly still.

“You have no poker face when you’ve been drinking,” Phil says, crouching down to help Dan with those pesky shoes. “You looked like you wanted to eat me.”

“I do.”

He laughs. “I haven’t showered since this morning.”

“I don’t care.”

Phil stands up and bops Dan’s nose. “I do though.”

“You’re a prude,” Dan whinges, grabbing onto the back of Phil’s shirt as Phil heads toward the stairs. “It’s my birthday, I want you.”

Phil turns around and gives him a cheeky look. “You can use your mouth on something else.”

-

Phil’s still wearing his t-shirt and socks, sat on the edge of the bed with his feet planted firmly on the floor, Dan knelt between them. 

He is, in fact, using his mouth on something else. 

He’s having fun with it, and Phil sounds like he’s having fun too. Dan’s no amateur, not when it comes to making Phil feel good. He’s holding the base of the shaft and sucking lazily, slow and playful and without the rhythm necessary to get Phil anywhere close to the edge, which is exactly what he wants. Phil keeps petting Dan’s hair and lifting up his own shirt whenever it drops back down over his belly and obscures the view of Dan.

Dan himself is barely more than soft. There is a lot of alcohol in his system right now, and he’s not as young as he used to be. God, he’s fucking twenty eight now, isn’t he? That’s practically thirty.

For once though, existential dread and the fear of getting older aren’t the things on his mind. Honestly, his birthday this year has been little more than an afterthought. There’s something much more earth shattering looming, but right now he’s mostly just trying to think about Phil’s dick and how pretty it looks all plump and hard in Dan’s hand. He tongues at the underside of the head, that sensitive little knot and gives Phil a few unfocused wanks.

Unfocused or not, Phil’s eyes are half lidded as he watches Dan work. Dan takes advantage of Phil’s attention, dropping down a little deeper just to watch Phil’s eyelids flutter. Phil hums quietly, a barely there sound that makes Dan’s stomach tighten. 

“Shouldn’t I be doing this to you?” Phil asks. 

Dan shakes his head with Phil still in his mouth, and it makes Phil laugh a little. Dan takes him deep enough that his lips touch his fingers where they’re wrapped around the base. He can’t keep it up for more than a moment, but he likes the way it makes Phil’s breath catch.

“What are you thinking about?” Phil murmurs. It would seem they’re both feeling a little unfocused.

Dan presses a kiss to the crease where Phil’s thigh meets his pelvis. “Trying not to think at all.”

“Is it working?” 

Dan shakes his head again. He kisses Phil’s thigh and bites it a little before tilting his heavy head and resting it there as he wanks. He doubts he’s doing much more than keeping Phil from getting soft at this point, but he feels drunk and sleepy and admittedly a little distracted.

“Are you worried?” Phil asks, squeezing his knees against Dan’s ams.

“A bit. Aren’t you?”

Phil shakes his head. “Excited.”

Dan knows there’s absolutely no way that’s the whole truth, but he still appreciates it. “You know,” he says, lifting his head and touching his lips to Phil’s hardness as he speaks. “This’ll be the last time we do this as a closeted couple.”

Phil smiles. “Unless we do it in the morning.”

“Touchée.”

-

The rest of their clothes come off slowly and they both migrate onto the bed. Dan gets a hand on himself to squeeze and stroke intermittently as he loses himself in the specific kind of serenity he finds in the movement of his mouth on Phil’s cock. He’s hard now but not achingly so. He feels like he could do this all night.

Phil is propped up against a stack of pillows, watching Dan suck. Dan wonders if his mind is cycling through the same kind of thoughts that Dan’s is trying so desperately to avoid.

He reckons he needs more if he wants to keep them at bay. He pops off and watches with pride for a moment the way Phil’s wet cock bobs with how hard it is, then he flops down on his stomach next to Phil and nuzzles his face into Phil’s ribs.

“Giving up?” Phil murmurs, sounding amused. Dan lifts his head and glances down to see that Phil’s taken to stroking himself while he waits for Dan to tell him what comes next.

Dan shakes his head, smushing it into the pillow and arching his back so his ass lifts up a little. “My turn.”

Phil’s up in what feels like an instant, positioning himself behind Dan and rubbing a wide warm palm over his ass cheek. He always has so much energy when it comes to this.

“What d’you want?” he asks, leaning down and closing his teeth around Dan’s flesh.

Dan shivers. What a question that is right now. 

He wants so much. Too much, too many things to even process at the moment. He wants to fast forward so he doesn’t have to live through this scary part in real time. He wants tomorrow to come so he can get it over with. He wants the world to know he’s queer and Phil is his, and he also wants no one to know that. He wants to keep it safe and protected from people who will judge it in the same breath that he wants everyone to know exactly what they mean to each other.

He wants it to feel real. He wants all the fucking guys from Forest who hounded him constantly to know that in the end they lost. They lost and Dan wins, because he’s rich and successful and he’s fucking loved, too. He’s gay as shit and people love him. He wins.

“You,” Dan says, pushing his ass back against Phil’s teeth. “In.”

“Yeah?” He’s already running his finger down Dan’s crack and against his rim. Patience isn’t really his thing.

“Come on,” Dan says. He’s not feeling particularly patient anymore either. Nothing distracts him from his own brain like getting fucked. 

He’s not even sure he’ll be able to come tonight. Even as Phil pushes a long slick finger inside and curls it downward a little Dan’s cock remains chubby but passive between his legs. It feels good but not urgent and heated like it usually does when he knows Phil’s body will be imminently inside of his own.

“Come on,” Dan says again, pushing back against Phil’s finger. “Fuck me.” One finger and a bit of lube is enough prep for him tonight. He wants the stretch. He likes the way it makes Phil go a little mad.

Phil doesn’t argue. He’ll push in slowly because even when Dan gives him free reign he’s considerate to a fault, but he always gives Dan what he wants when Dan asks for it so directly like that.

The blunt press against Dan’s hole in intense, even with what he can tell is a seriously excessive amount of lube. It burns a little, and he shoves his face into the pillow to keep his hiss a secret from Phil’s ears. It hurts, but it’s manageable, and he knows it won’t take long before it feels really, really good.

The unrestrained pleasure in Phil’s voice when he says, “so tight,” and grips Dan’s hip as he pushes in is more than enough to make up for the momentary discomfort. 

“You’re so big,” Dan says back, squeezing his dick to distract from the feeling of invasion as he stretches. Phil makes an appreciative noise and Dan smiles to himself. Gassing Phil up in bed is one of his favourite things. 

Actually, he thinks that’s something they definitely have in common. Phil bends his body forward to paint his chest against Dan’s back once he’s bottomed out, mouth on Dan’s ear as he says, “You feel so fucking good.”

It’s a testament to how into this man Dan is that he feels his dick twitch at those words. The power of being desired by Phil has hardly wavered in its potency in nearly ten years. He’s beginning to think it never will. Dan turns his head and catches Phil’s mouth with his, a kiss that makes a smacking noise as they pull apart and get down to it.

Phil wraps an arm around Dan’s stomach and stays draped on Dan’s back as he starts to fuck, breathing hot and heavy right in Dan’s ear. Dan reckons it won’t take all that long for him to get close given how long Dan had been blowing him, but for now he’s enjoying it immensely. There’s no room for apprehension or thought spirals when all he can hear is how good he makes Phil feel, when all he can feel is how right it is when they’re together like this.

It’s right. It’s not dirty or shameful or unnatural or any of the other things the world had tried so hard to convince him it was. He’s got a cock in his ass and a man’s hands all over him, and it’s the least wrong thing he could ever imagine. He believes that now, he feels it in every cell in his body. 

Phil lasts longer than Dan would have expected. After a while he turns Dan over and shoves a pillow under his hips before sliding back inside. Dan wraps his legs around Phil’s waist and helps prolong the whole experience by pulling Phil’s face down to kiss him. 

They kiss a lot, and if Dan’s honest with himself he’ll admit that it’s as much a coping mechanism as the rest of the sex on this particular night. He knows Phil will be a little distracted, knows he’ll last longer if half his attention is focused on kissing Dan back. 

Eventually Phil must catch on, because he pulls away and ducks his face into Dan’s neck. Dan squirms a little, reaching up to fist his hand loosely in Phil’s hair. 

“What’s up?” Phil grunts. He nibbles at the skin pulled tight over Dan’s collarbone, unable to keep from moving his mouth around even when clearly worrying if Dan is actually alright. 

Dan chuckles. “You,” he says, pulling Phil’s hair gently at the root. “Up me.”

“Mm,” Phil hums, reaching a hand down between their bodies to rub the slick sweaty skin under Dan’s balls and then down a little lower to feel where he keeps disappearing inside Dan’s body. “Yup, you’re right.” 

“Keep doing that,” Dan says in a breathy voice. He hadn’t thought he’d get very far towards an orgasm of his own, but Phil’s fingers on his taint are something of a revelation. “Feels good.”

“I’m getting close,” Phil says.

Dan laughs again, because he knows that’s thinly veiled code for ‘I can’t touch you and fuck you at the same time.’

“Get on with it then,” Dan says in a low voice.

“D’you wanna come first?”

Bless him. 

Dan shakes his head. “Come on,” he says, reaching down to work himself over because he knows Phil likes to watch that when he’s chasing his own release. “Come for me.”

-

Phil gets Dan off after he’s come down, dropping his mouth down on him in a way so unexpected and enthusiastic that Dan didn’t stand a chance. He lays naked and starfished on the bed now, sweating everywhere and waiting for Phil to bring him a wet cloth to clean up with. 

He also brings water and a couple cheeky biscuits which Dan warns him not to eat in the bed if he values his life. Phil laughs and crams them in his mouth before hopping onto the mattress and snuggling under the covers. 

Neither of them bother getting dressed. Dan fully expects a round two first thing in the morning knowing how quickly the nerves have already crept back to burrow under his skin. He’ll definitely need more distraction when he wakes up - that is if he actually manages to fall asleep tonight at all. At least he has a whole internet of fan art and well wishes to keep him company. 

Phil rolls onto his side and props himself up on one elbow. Dan can feel him studying his face, and he turns to return the gaze because he knows trying to hide his anxiety is futile.

Phil leans in to press a kiss to Dan’s temple. “Happy birthday, love.”

Dan smiles as best he can. “Not my birthday anymore.”

“True,” Phil says softly. “Think you can sleep tonight?” 

Dan shakes his head. “You should though.”

“Not if you don’t.”

“One of us needs to be functional,” Dan reasons. 

Phil reaches out and hooks his hand around Dan’s waist to pull him in closer. “I’m staying up with you. Don’t argue.”

Dan smiles. “You’ll fall asleep eventually.”

“Well… shut up.”

That makes Dan laugh. Phil’s good at that, making Dan feel nice things when his brain is trying hard to make him feel the opposite.

It’s not that he feels bad, though. Not about this. He feels ready, he thinks, or at least as ready as he ever will. He’s put in the blood and the sweat and the tears and now it’s time for him to start the second half of his life.

The half where he’s proud of the thing that always made him feel too different to find a place he could exist as himself. 

He’s carved that place out now, they both have. He and Phil. And it’s time the rest of the world knows it.

“Goodnight Philly,” he whispers into the darkness of their bedroom.

“No,” Phil says defiantly. 

Dan smiles. Phil falling asleep is an absolute guarantee, and there’s something comforting about that. He’s absolutely going to try to stay awake and he’s absolutely going to fall asleep.

But he’ll still be here in the morning, and Dan reckons that’ll always be enough to get him through anything.


End file.
